Therapy for Shame

Normalizing Shame

Shame is often experienced in silence, with many feeling as though they are alone in their struggles. However, shame is universal. It is important to recognize that feeling shame does not mean something is inherently wrong with you. It is a response to perceived disconnection from others or from one’s own values. Understanding that shame is a shared human experience can help diminish its power.

The Psychology of Shame

Shame is more than just an emotion—it is a complex psychological experience that can affect every aspect of life. It often triggers negative thoughts, such as “I’m not good enough” or “I don’t belong.” These thoughts can lead to social withdrawal, isolation, and even depression if left unaddressed.

Shame is often confused with guilt, but there is a key difference. Guilt is the feeling of regret over actions we’ve taken, while shame involves a sense of being flawed or unworthy at our core. This distinction is crucial because guilt can motivate change, while shame can lead to feelings of helplessness.

Therapies Used to Address Shame

Several therapeutic approaches have proven effective in helping people manage and overcome shame. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is one of the most commonly used methods, helping individuals identify and challenge the negative thoughts that fuel feelings of shame. By reframing these thoughts, clients can begin to see themselves and their situations more objectively.

Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) is another approach, particularly useful for those whose shame is linked to emotional dysregulation. DBT helps individuals learn emotional regulation, distress tolerance, and mindfulness, empowering them to cope with shame in healthier ways.

Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) also plays a role in addressing shame. ACT encourages individuals to accept their thoughts and feelings without judgment, helping them distance themselves from the intense self-criticism that often accompanies shame. Through mindfulness and values-based action, clients can learn to live more fully, despite feelings of shame.

Shame Resilience Theory (SRT), developed by Dr. Brené Brown, offers another lens through which to understand and overcome shame. This approach emphasizes the importance of empathy, connection, and vulnerability. By building shame resilience, individuals can recognize shame triggers, speak openly about their feelings, and cultivate compassion for themselves.

Healing from Shame

Healing from shame takes time and effort, but it is possible with the right support. At Kona, our therapists are trained in these evidence-based therapies and are committed to helping clients break free from the cycle of shame. If you’re struggling with shame, know that you are not alone. With compassionate care, we can help you regain confidence and live a life aligned with your values.